The Power to Think and Feel Better

Yesterday, my biggest trigger struck: feeling powerless. I was tempted to get suicidal. Instead, I got really angry and I journaled in all caps for a while. Then, I talked to Dr. Allison. She said that seeing your biggest trigger for what it is and not getting suicidal is progress. While we talked, she helped…

Righteous Indignation

So, my husband and I decided to rent the movie, “Bombshells,” this afternoon and my response to it came as quite a surprise… I found myself enraged. These women, although put in an awkward position, nonetheless were free to make a choice: they all chose to have sex in order to get ahead, get famous,…

Intensive Therapy Session #4: No Comparisons

Today we discussed the idea that each person manages trauma differently and what is traumatic to one person might not be traumatic to another. Dr. Allison said that I managed to get through my childhood without developing PTSD, a personality disorder or an addiction, even though I was traumatized by my father molesting and raping…

Intensive Therapy Session # 3: Trauma & Mental Illness

Today was a bit overwhelming, in and out of the therapy session: I no longer stuff my negative feelings only to later turn them into self-harm; instead, I am like a toddler who doesn’t recognize she is irritated, angry or agitated until that feeling is on overdrive and it is like I am learning to…

A Signed Book Giveaway In May 2020!

I am now working with a marketing company to create buzz for my published work! The first contest to drum up awareness of, and interest in, my work is a contest to choose your favorite book cover out of the four books I’m currently promoting: “Mental (a novel), “Dandelions (a poem for children and their…

Intensive Therapy Session # 2: Turning Toxic Shame Into Self-Compassion

Today, I learned that I developed two self images while growing up: the outwardly confident and happy me and the hidden, traumatized and shamed me. I see that my adult struggle has been integrating these two parts of myself which were bifurcated by my father’s abuse. Those of you familiar with my second novel, “Mental…

Intensive Therapy Session # 1: Recognizing Moods

You aren’t really alone on your journey if you have a good psychologist! The biggest question I have today is how long does it take to get over a childhood of incest? Her answer: before we can tackle that, we must deal with your hypomania! Recognizing my moods was one of my original goals when…

A Suicide Attempt Creates A Breakthrough

I took a (fatal) dose of atenolol two Fridays ago and survived after being hospitalized. After I recovered, I realized that all ten of my very serious suicide attempts stem from my inability to manage my childhood incest history. While in intensive therapy in the mental hospital during my recovery last week, I realized that…