It appears that every mood swing I have can be controlled by Haldol, and it also appears that during these periods of “normal” mood, I lose my creative spark.
This third season of normalcy due to Haldol has similarities with the other two long periods of stability I have found with the drug. Unfortunately for my creative career, this third period of no bipolar symptoms has a troubling partner—no desire on my part to write creatively or create visual art. My writing office/art room remains empty unless my daughter is using it. Months have gone by with barely any creative work. Perhaps this is a multi-faceted blessing, however…
My husband once screamed at me after a publishing phase this past November that my books have “only caused us grief!” At the time, I was hurt; but, I think that now that I can see the direct connection between my creativity and my symptoms, I think he is right. Publishing creative work also means that I’m sick. When I’m sick, I do cause him and my family support system much grief, and also cause much grief to myself.
The absence of my creativity at first was distressing, but since it has become part of my new “healthy” reality, I can see that my family and I are better off in totality with the recession of creativity and it’s sisterhood of signs of bipolar illness.
I gladly choose a “normal” life over the artist’s life any day!
Check out my creative website, https://www.MarieKJohnston.com and my book websites, https://www.BooksbyMarieKJohnston.com and https://Amazon.com/author/mariekjohnston to see all the work I accomplished while in the throes of bipolar disorder!