So, last night I couldn’t sleep a wink—
—It seemed really important to put in the best possible Easter Walmart grocery order just in time for Sunday’s festivities. Then it seemed very important to download music onto my iHeartRadio playlists…
By 10:30, I took another sleeping pill, 30mg of temazapam (which is the strongest sleeping pill available), watched a few shows, didn’t feel tired, wrote in my journal for a long time listening to music, smoked a million real cigs, and in general floated through the nite “being constructive” and thinking through it all that I had finally progressed emotionally to the point where this coronavirus situation was no longer causing me so such extreme worry that my psychiatrist had to put me on anxiety meds 4x/day…
I was thinking to myself, “I got dressed today like it was a regular, pre-virus day and did my hair. I am full of ideas for painting a mural on the hall bath walls or scrapbook wallpapering them (things my hubbie has not approved in the past), I’m feeling like I’ve got the world by the horns and I can take on Chloe and her tantrums when it’s school time today because I’m not just a mom, I’m the bomb!”
Ah, the wondrous confidence of Hypomania is back! I revel in this state—the joy, the happy calmness, the creativity, the outpouring of love I feel for my family and the whole wide world, the reassurance of my own “healthy” self-esteem! Welcome back, dear friends, the ones controlling how much dopamine and serotonin get to flood through my body like sweet street drugs or something. It’s actually better than any street drug I’ve ever tried, including Ecstasy. (Yes, I feel better right now than any X trip I ever took, and it was my drug of choice for a few years in my late twenties after I resigned from teaching and forged ahead with my writing career!)
As awesome as I feel and as right with the world as it currently is, needless to say that Chris and I made me a doctor’s appointment for Monday morning, the earliest phone appointment that was available.
In the meantime, I’m just going to revel in the good time Charlie mindset I have been enjoying now for at least 24 hours! Hopefully it won’t progress to negative full-blown mania. Fingers crossed!
And, as always, please consider following me at https://Amazon.com/author/mariekjohnston, https://www.MarieKJohnston.com & http://www.BooksbyMarieKJohnston to read my official biography and preview and purchase my novel and 3 books of poetry!