I took a (fatal) dose of atenolol two Fridays ago and survived after being hospitalized. After I recovered, I realized that all ten of my very serious suicide attempts stem from my inability to manage my childhood incest history. While in intensive therapy in the mental hospital during my recovery last week, I realized that I am finally ready to deal with my past now so that I can be free to be the best mom and person that I can be, and I am feeling some relief!
I am going to begin seeing Dr. Allison, my wonderful psychologist, twice a week in virtual visits for the foreseeable future, and also continue working in the RAINN individual and group chat rooms. I am learning that 1 in 8 American women are incest survivors, a revolting truth which reveals how shockingly I am not alone. I also learned the other day that 20% of women like me also attempt suicide, another shocker. So, it turns out that I am far from abnormal and this has revealed a new purpose for me: to write my way through this in my journal and in the third novel I am writing and to publish these pieces to show other women like me that they can overcome their struggles and enjoy a new freedom. But, first I have to get through the struggling part with the help of my therapists and with the support of my husband and family.
I am writing today feeling hopeful that I have finally broken the spell of my own suicidal episodes. I am on the brink of doing the hard work of putting myself back together in such a way as to make myself better than I was before my father broke me when I was such a little girl. I am feeling like this project is going to be an important success!
Stay tuned here for my progress updates twice a week going forward once my intensive therapy begins! We will start as soon as we are authorized by my insurance company! I am already getting a head start with the good counselors at RAINN and in my search for good literature on the topics at hand, so I may start posting as soon as tomorrow, as well, so look for my posts to come soon! I plan to post after each session to keep me focused on what I am learning on this journey! Thank you for coming along so that we can heal and learn together!
As always, you can find more reading material from me at https://www.MarieKJohnston.com (Fiction & Folk Art), https://Amazon.com/author/mariekjohnston (Biography & Bibiography) and https://www.BooksbyMarieKJohnston.com (Extended Bibliography)! Happy Reading!